Happy Friday and welcome back to The 90-Minute Movie, the only Substack1 dedicated to the greatest runtime of all time.
By now I think most of us are aware that Christmas, as we celebrate it, is thanks not to Jesus, but to the Romans. The pagan celebration known as Saturnalia was eventually absorbed into Christmas festivities but the candle lighting, gift giving and decorations have remained all these years later. I guess because it’s just so damn fun. I am fascinated by the evolution of all holidays, but Christmas is particularly interesting because so many centuries and celebrations have been rolled into it. Christmas is like a piece of gum on the floor picking up everything it comes into contact with. (And that’s because Christianity was dead set to absorb anyone and everyone it could.)
It’s for this reason that I find Krampus (2015, 97 minutes) so fascinating and so entertaining. I’m honestly tempted to just talk about Krampus the folklore figure for this entire post, but I am going to try and limit myself to a couple sentences. Krampus comes from countries near the central and eastern Alps, and is a figure that travels with Saint Nicholas (aka Santa). While Santa celebrates and rewards good children, Krampus comes to punish the bad children. The story of Saint Nicholas and Krampus is much more aligned with a traditional fairytale (i.e. creepy AF) than the purely joyful stories of Santa we trade now.
What Krampus looks like and what he does to these bad children varies by country, but it is typically agreed upon that he has cloven hooves and is part goat. In every country, Krampus makes getting coal in your stocking look like a gift.2 Despite how scary Krampus is, celebrations in honor of him are increasing across the globe. Perhaps we’re all jaded or perhaps our ancestors had it all right-- you need darkness to juxtapose lightness or the lightness feels dim.
Writer and director Michael Dougherty brought Krampus into the US limelight with Krampus-- a Christmas horror movie about an average white American family preparing for the holidays. Dad (Scott) is working too much and Mom (Collette) is trying to project perfection to everyone around her. Their two kids watch in dismay as the cheer of the season drains out of their parents. Particularly hurt by this is their youngest, Max (Emjay Anthony) who tries to hold on to the spirit of the season and his belief in Santa with the help and love of his grandmother Omi (Krista Stadler). But with the arrival of his aggressive uncle and cousins, Max lets go of his belief. When he does so, a massive blizzard renders their town helpless as Krampus rolls into town eager to punish non-believers.
It makes absolute sense to me that people use Christmas movies to set the tone for their own holiday. They want to bring warmth and lightness into their lives during this season-- not darkness and not fear. But I am a big advocate of Christmas horror movies because they can take the edge off. With the holidays comes a lot of pressure to be merry, grateful, and put together. But life doesn’t always work that way, and it can be a difficult time of year for so many people and for so many different reasons. Horror takes the holiday perfection pressure off of us. That said, I never expected to like Krampus as much as I do. It did fine in box offices upon its release but since then its aggregate score on Rotten Tomatoes is what I would call “middling”.
It does a couple of key things well which makes it something I could see myself watching every year. First, Krampus gives us Omi to guide us through the more complicated bits of the plot. Omi is Max’s grandmother and mother of Tom (Scott). She is a German immigrant who delightfully spends much of the movie being translated by Max, rather than by subtitles. Not only does Omi know the tale of Krampus, she has already lived it once before, which she reveals to the family halfway through the movie. The story is revealed to the audience via an animated segment which reminds us of Dougherty’s passion for animation and characters.3 With Omi we are able to avoid the “mystery” behind what is going on and instead just enjoy it as it unfolds. No time is wasted on the confusion of our characters. If they did have to figure it out on their own, this movie would be an awful lot longer. (And you know I hate that.)
The world that Dougherty builds is very succinct and the rules are easy to follow. No time is wasted describing how or why something is happening, it just happens. Most of the movie takes place inside the family house or just outside it (this structure is very reminiscent of Evil Dead). The evil beings are trying to get into the house, only to find later that they’ve been in the house wrapped inside gifts the entire time. I never questioned Krampus’ power, even as Tom and his brother-in-law Howard (David Koechner) set out into the blizzard to look for Tom’s daughter Beth (Stefania LaVie Owen) who should be at her boyfriend’s house. It always makes sense that Krampus has power over their entire town and has trapped everyone there.
On that note, another charm of this movie is that Dougherty isn’t afraid to take people out. The stakes are very, very high and we learn this early on when it comes to Beth. While her family doesn’t know what has become of her, we the audience do. We watch her as she is chased down her empty street by the “beastly bulging”4 Krampus. He takes her without hesitation and from that point forth, and with each subsequent disappearance or death, we know no one is safe. Watch Beth’s end here:
This scene with Beth also introduces us not just Krampus, but the concept of his “helpers”. The “helpers” are where this movie loses me a bit. They feel a bit commercial and cutesy, like characters you could run out to the store and collect. I’ve been frustrated with the recent Star Wars movies because of their obvious Disney character placement of small, cute friends we can go out and buy stuffed versions of immediately.5 Dougherty is a man that loves animation and creature creation and I am not trying to ding him for that. His Krampus character is horrifying, grotesque and original. But it is also enough for me. In addition to Krampus we get a whole slew of little characters who take over the house in his place. Tiny gingerbread men who wield nail guns and knives, a violent teddy bear, a sharp fanged Angel, and a massive, overgrown, Jack-in-the-Box. I will say that the Jack-in-the-Box is genuinely terrifying with his alien/snake-like jaw and taste for young girls. But overall, the additional characters feel like fodder and just delay what we want: time with Krampus.
I know I don’t need to say it at this point but - here come the spoilers!
Eventually, after the deaths of his entire family, Max comes face-to-face with Krampus. We, the audience, also get to come face-to-face with this terrifying figure and it is equal parts satisfying and disturbing. I love this ending. Because like us, Max is trained in the ways of traditional Christmas movies. He first attempts to sacrifice himself in order to save his cousin Stevie (Lolo Owen) and we think, “He did it, he cracked the code!” But Krampus doesn’t care and he tosses Stevie into a gaping hole in the earth. Max tries again, following the Christmas code we all know. He asks for forgiveness for losing his Christmas spirit. We think Krampus has finally forgiven Max because we cut to him waking up in his bed on a warm Christmas morning. But we soon find he and his entire family are trapped inside a snow globe that belongs to Krampus. Why? Because Krampus doesn’t give a shit about forgiveness. This is about consequences and the Christmas formula isn’t going to work. That’s for Saint Nicholas.
For Krampus there are no second chances. And if I’m being honest, that seems like a pretty brilliant message for Christmas. You might call it dark and twisted but it feels real and honest, even with CGI gingerbread men running around. If you’re sick of the “Hallmark Movie” slog this year, take a break with Krampus and rejoice in a fun, fast-paced, horror.
That I know of.
The artwork of Krampus from old holiday cards is particularly interesting (and disturbing)
His movie Trick R’ Treat is another demonstration of this, the man loves little characters
Christmas Vacation quote thank you very much
Except for Baby Yoda, he is perfect
I loved Krampus and your writing was spot on.