Perhaps you know this, and perhaps you don’t, but I watch many more 90-minute movies each month than I choose to write about. It’s a strange “genre” full of hit-or-miss pictures, and so I can wind up empty-handed or with very little to write about after a screening. This week you’re getting a glimpse into the very hard work of watching 90-minute movies, and a look at what I put myself through to bring you decent content. I give to you: the three ghosts of Movie Christmas.
Ghost of Gigli’s Past
Gigli, the 2003 box office bomb co-starring Jennifer Lopez, is often pinned as the biggest failure of Ben Affleck’s career. A mistake that almost cost him his stardom. In reality however, it wasn’t just one nail in the coffin, but four. First it was Gigli, then Paycheck (also 2003), then goddamn Jersey Girl (2004), and finally Surviving Christmas (2004, 91 minutes). Bomb after bomb after bomb all but tanked Affleck’s career with him not recovering until almost 8 years later with Argo (2012). Surviving Christmas has a pretty bad reputation, but I’m not sure it deserves it entirely. I think it happened to come out at a time when Affleck was really losing his grip on Hollywood and critics were especially hard on the projects he picked.
No, it isn’t the best movie I’ve ever seen, but in the more forgiving world of Christmas movies, I find it holds its own weight. It’s more appealing than Christmas with the Kranks but less charming than The Family Stone. Affleck stars as Drew Latham, an “eccentric” (more on that later) billionaire who hires a working class family to act as his own for the holiday because he is lonely. The supporting cast is ideal and brimming with potential: James Gandolfini, Catherine O’Hara, Christina Applegate. If you asked me to watch a movie with these three people in it I would immediately say yes. How could it not be funny? Well, it could be Surviving Christmas, I guess. (That sounds mean but if you read other reviews you’ll see I’m being very kind and generous.)
I think there’s a lot of mis-direction at hand. Reading through director Mike Mitchell’s IMDB page, it strikes me that the majority of his work (and successes) are with animated movies. It makes sense because I wrote “too big” over and over again in my notes. The performances are just too much, working too hard, too present. Applegate and O’Hara are masters of the subtle joke and that skill is completely washed away by how over-the-top Affleck is serving his character. Rather than come off as “eccentric” as every synopsis claims he should be, Affleck comes off as childlike, annoying, and erratic. There’s little charm there. Which makes it all the more surprising when Applegate’s dry, practical, and hardened Alicia falls for him.
The movie has its moments and a reviewer on Google hit the nail on the head by saying its brand of offbeat comedy reminded them of Mixed Nuts in many ways. It’s not as bad as Rotten Tomatoes would have you believe, but I still don’t see myself returning to it next year. I’d say if you like darker stuff, to go for it, but to do so with caution.
Ghost of Hallmark’s Present
I have never been one to really dig into the Hallmark catalog of holiday movies. I want cinema, I want blockbusters! But just as I got into true crime during the pandemic, the desire to watch something simply written and filmed in three days on a soundstage, slowly crept into my life. What resulted is not my thumbing through the Hallmark collection, but testing the waters with Netflix’s response to the call for more holiday shlock. Enter: Christmas with You (90 minutes) starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and Aimee Garcia.
I can’t tell you how disappointed I was to find that I actually enjoyed this movie. I feel like I played myself by even putting it on. All of the credit goes to Garcia who stars as Angelina -- a pop megastar who is burnt out, under appreciated, and at risk of losing her record deal. Angelina must develop a new Christmas hit or the record company will drop her. In a panic she takes off to surprise a fan, Cristina (Deja Monique Cruz) who lives with her widower dad, Miguel (Prinze Jr.). Garcia’s genuine effort and comedic timing save this movie from becoming another textbook “Hallmark-style” joke. Additional comedic support is lended by her assistant Monique (Zenzi Williams) who is along with the crazy ride from the city to the suburbs.
I guess you probably saw it coming, but the real wet blanket (and it pains me to say this) is Freddie Prinze Jr.! Listen, it’s a great throwback to one of our dearest heartthrobs and he seems like a genuinely nice guy, but nice guys don’t always make the best leading men. He’s just so… basic. He’s nice. He’s calm. He’s floating around these dynamic women like a ghost, bringing nothing but a very dated hairstyle and a nice smile to the table. The movie manages to avoid some common Christmas rom-com pitfalls and speed bumps, but in doing so it definitely can feel a bit slow at times. But the musical numbers are fun, Garcia is great, and it's just sweet enough that you’ll want to recommend it to a friend who needs a hug and a cocoa.
PS - The decorations in Miguel’s house are OUT OF CONTROL and put the Homegoods Christmas aisle to SHAME. I don’t know who the set designer was, but damn, they had a good time with their budget.
Ghost of Movie Financing Yet To Come
I must give credit where credit is due. About 40 minutes into Pottersville (84 minutes) Frank looked at me and said, “Is this a scam? Are they laundering money?” Sometimes we talk about how Adam Sandler movies or Ticket to Paradise (which was just ok) are movies that are made so famous friends can just go on vacation together. Think about The Lost City. What happened in that script other than famous people going on vacation and writing it off as a movie? Anyway, Pottersville is beyond even that. Yes it has a loaded cast (Michael Shannon, Judy Grier, Ron Perlman, Christina Hendricks, Ian McShane) but they’re in upstate New York in the winter. That’s how I know it’s not a “vacation movie”. And after doing some brief research it turns out that Frank was right. It’s more of a “tax scheme movie.”
I could spend a lot of time explaining what happened behind the scenes with Pottersville, but I am going to try and sum it up as simply as I can with links to each point so you can do some further reading if you’re intrigued. Basically SUNY Poly decided it was going to get into the movie business in 2014 by building a sound studio to try and attract production upstate. The state sunk $15 million of taxpayer money into the CNY Film Hub that ultimately attracted very little interest. Except that of one Mr. Ron Perlman who decided he was going to make a bunch of movies up there. Pottersville included. The movie would go on to lose SUNY Poly $750,000 and also cause some legal trouble with the tax filing of those funds. And finally, the film hub was built by COR Development whose executives would ultimately be charged in a federal case of wire fraud and conspiracy ALONGSIDE former SUNY Poly president Alain Kaloyeros, who attracted Perlman in the first place.
I really didn’t know I’d have to do such a legal deep dive when I suggested we put this on the other night. No, really. I had never heard of it. Didn’t know it bombed. And didn’t know about its sordid past. Netflix was just forcing it upon me repeatedly-- probably because I watch shitty 90-minute movies all the time. So, thanks to a streaming algorithm I just learned about MY wasted tax dollars.
All of this is to say the movie FEELS LIKE A SCAM and it kind of WAS.
Michael Shannon is Maynard Greiger, a “friendly” (because honestly Shannon can only get so upbeat) general store owner who is solemnly watching his upstate NY town go to shit as a factory closes down, people lose their jobs, and families move away. (Ironic, isn’t it, that the CNY Film Hub was touted as an opportunity to create 350 new jobs just outside Syracuse and then obviously NEVER DID. Sickening.) After discovering his wife Connie (Christina Hendricks) is a Furry (yup) and engages in petting with his friend and town Sheriff Jack (Ron Perlman), Greiger spirals out of control and is mistaken for Bigfoot. (I’m not getting into how right now.) Cue the arrival of Brock Masterson (Thomas Lennon), a monster hunter who vows to catch the monster. The town joins in, thrilled with their newfound fame and tourism industry.
What ensues is what IndieWire called the “Worst Christmas Movie Ever Made” and roughly 45-minutes of three actors walking around the woods. One of which is the incredible Ian McShane and I just hope he was stoned the entire time to get through it. There’s casual racism, too many Furry jokes to count (the IndieWire article guesses at 25 total) and least fun of any bad movie I’ve ever seen. Bad movies can be fun in so many ways. But this passionless, creepy, weird, sad film feels like the scam it was revealed to be. Pottersville made my fun little newsletter feel like work and a punishment.
What’s worse is Pottersville feels like a thinly veiled metaphor for the CNY Film Hub. A scam to bring money to a rundown upstate town? People using it as an opportunity to make money with complete disregard for one another? Sounds about right.
Scrooge on Christmas Morning
You would think after screening the amount of questionable films like I do that I would be disillusioned with the film industry. I should be ready to hang up my 90-minute movie cap (wait should I do merch a la Pottersville Bigfoot?) and move on, but my curiosity remains. How does a genuine movie like Surviving Christmas wind up with an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes, when a fraudulent Bigfoot flick has a 0%? How are they just 8 points apart? How does timing play into our enjoyment and memory of our favorite movies? I know there are terrible movies that I love because of who I was and where I was when I watched them. I also know the inverse is true too. There’s beauty in that.
"I don't know what day of the month it is," said Scrooge. "I don't know how long I've been among the Spirits. I don't know anything. I'm quite a baby. Never mind. I don't care. I'd rather be a baby.”
I love Surviving Christmas, but for the last few years it was impossible to find on streaming or cable. I think it finally showed up this month on AMC. Didn't know it was 8% on Rotten Tomatoes, so the word "underrated" is doing a lot of work there.
Maybe people weren't ready for a dark plot twist in their Christmas movies?