The Golden Child (1986)
“No matter how I feel, for instance, about The Golden Child – which was a piece of s**t – the movie made more than $100 million. So who am I to say it sucks?” - Eddie Murphy
Y’all, I simply do not know why I read the Ebert reviews before starting these newsletters. Since I am usually watching older movies, I go about a little research to see how the movie was received by critics and audiences. I look for articles from the time, look up reported dollar amounts, and scope out movie blogs to see if anyone has written about the movie recently. So, naturally, I arrive at old Ebert reviews. And I read them. And then I almost always disagree.
I didn’t know this about myself.
I didn’t know that I disagreed with him so wholeheartedly. Is this a thing? Do we all disagree? What is happening? I grew up thinking that this man had a handle on things. Now as an adult I feel betrayed. Lost. A little upset.
I read the Ebert review for this week’s movie-- 1986’s The Golden Child-- and it’s the best one yet. I honestly laughed so hard. You can read it by clicking right here. If you’re short on time and just want to hang out with me at the moment (thanks by the way!) here’s a a fucked up excerpt:
"The Golden Child" [...] is funnier, more assured, and more tailored to Murphy than "Beverly Hills Cop" and it shows a side of his comic persona that I don't think has been much appreciated: his essential underlying sweetness.”
I’ll tell you right now, friends, The Golden Child is NOT funnier than Beverly Hills Cop and it is absolutely not tailored to Eddie Murphy. In fact, the entire movie I was thinking-- this character makes no sense and it makes no sense for Eddie! I thought these thoughts and now here we are.
I just realized I’m like 300 words into this thing and haven’t given you the plot of the movie so let’s go!
Quick Plot Overview! A professional child-finder from L.A. (Eddie Murphy) is enlisted to find a missing Tibetan boy (J.L. Reate) called “The Golden Child” who is destined to save humankind. “Rescue us from what?” asks Eddie. “From ourselves.” Answers the dragon lady librarian. Also, they do call him a child finder -- not a PI, not a detective -- a guy who finds kids. Alright! So Eddie (his character’s name is Chandler Jarrell and I hate it) goes on a quest to save the kid and subsequently, save humankind.
The plot for this movie is tight which we love for a 90-minute movie. After a strangely edited opening and introduction to Chandler which you can watch below (it appears to have been cut to different music to start and it also reuses the same like 6 clips for Murphy over and over), we do jump right into the story and we do deftly move through some complicated concepts and backstory quite quickly. Chandler is a child-finder -- bam. A VIC (Very Important Child) is missing-- blam. There are a lot of fantasy elements and people that assist him-- wham. This I like.
Where the movie really falls apart is the character development. Like I wrote earlier, this just doesn’t feel very Eddie Murphy to me. And while he is by no means a character actor and has amazing range (Coming to America, Bowfinger, Dolemite is My Name), something about this character and this role, feels so ill-suited to him. I spent most of the movie trying to put my finger on it and I think it’s this-- no one is playing with him. The other characters are flat as a pancake. Even the villain played by Charles Dance is one-dimensional and doesn’t really have much to do because he’s a demon and pure evil. There’s nowhere you can really take that. So Murphy does his thing but then no one responds to it. There’s no winking or joy. This movie could have had Murphy acting with walls and there would have been better repartee.
The love interest Kee Nang (Charlotte Lewis) is depressing to watch. As Ebert so painfully puts it: “She looks very beautiful, and because that is her role in this movie, she fulfills it flawlessly.”
…
Sorry I was throwing up.
To give you an idea of this character… she is a talented martial artist and has two major fight scenes where she kicks ass. HOWEVER. In the first, she breaks a pipe and it completely soaks through HER WHITE SHIRT so she finishes the fight with her wet breasts as our main focal point. And her other big fight scene takes place while she is pants-less after having had sex with Chandler. Yeesh. Her character has no development other than falling in love with our hero after about five minutes. A big problem for this movie is that most of the people opposite Murphy are of Asian descent and the writer for this film clearly had no idea -- or no interest-- in developing them outside of tropes.
It would be a mistake to not mention John Carpenter's Big Trouble in Little China in this post which came out the same year (1986) and has a similar storyline and overall mystical and mythical vibe-- only it does it way better. What’s wild is that Child made well over $100 million at the box office while Big Trouble made only $11 million. Now, 35 years later, Carpenter’s film is a cult classic and is still well-reviewed and enjoyed to this day. Whereas The Golden Child is… not. Eddie Murphy has openly called it a piece of shit and that’s basically all you need to know, isn’t it?
I’ll leave you with this incredibly awkward clip which according to THE internet -- is Eddie Murphy’s most meme-able moment. Dubbed the “I-I-I Want the Knife” moment.
SOURCES
https://www.yahoo.com/video/eddie-murphy-reunites-with-the-golden-child-after-33-years-085841175
https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/the-golden-child-1986
https://reel-librarians.com/2019/06/26/the-dragon-lady-librarian-in-the-golden-child-1986/
https://wegotthiscovered.com/movies/eddie-murphys-most-memed-movie-leaves-netflix-next-month/
It’s been a loooooong time since I’ve seen this film. I’m (a lot) older and I remember watching it when I was (a lot) younger, but even back then I knew it was really bad storytelling. However, for some strange reason, I still enjoyed Golden Child and found it entertaining. I think I was just such a huge Eddie Murphy fan and maybe (back then) was just conditioned to laugh when he said anything … since he was so amazingly talented and funny. I’ll have to watch it again and see how much my memory matches up with the reality of the present day. 😊
I won’t lie: The Golden Child has grown on me over the years because it embraces its weirdness. It’s awkward as hell, and you can’t take your eyes off how awkward it is.