My Best Friend's Wedding (105 minutes)
That terrible question rising again and again: can I still be taken seriously if I am head over heels in love?
It is November which means two things: we’re in the lull between Halloween horrors and Christmas joys AND I’m getting married this month. As such, I’m dedicating the next couple of weeks to movies about weddings and there is no better way to kick things off than with Julia Roberts playing one of her most iconic roles as Jules in My Best Friend’s Wedding. It feels especially poignant to be writing about her this month as I barrel headfirst into something neither of us ever anticipated for our lives: lifelong commitment.
If you’ve managed to make it this far in life without seeing My Best Friend’s Wedding, even accidentally, don’t worry. I got you with the quick plot rundown. Jules (Julia Roberts) is a single 27-year-old renowned food critic living in New York City, not especially keen on commitment. Sure, she dates, but not with the intention of “forever.” Quickly (and I mean within the first ten minutes) we not only learn about Michael (Dermot Mulroney), her best friend from college she has carried a torch for, but also that he is suddenly and unexpectedly engaged. Just as suddenly and unexpectedly, Jules realizes she’s made a mistake. She loves Michael and she must win him back from 19-year-old Kimmy (Cameron Diaz).
It’s a romcom flipped upside down. Our protagonist is the villain. She’s attempting to break up the marriage of two lovebirds on the eve of their wedding. A lot of people are split on how they feel about Jules-- either you understand her or you hate her. And I’m not here to argue either side. That’s been done. But what does strike me about this movie is the vulnerability of the characters, who are somehow trapped in a standard rom com environment (Chicago with good weather, group sing-a-longs, slutty twin cousins who talk in unison, The Drake hotel), but who are not your standard rom com folk. Rewatching it, now in my thirties and thinking 27 is really young to be having this kind of breakdown but also really old to be causing this kind of trouble, it weighed on me how all of the characters are really trapped within the confines of a rom com.
This movie was released just before studying the cracks in romance became popular. It was released a year before Sex and the City premiered and two years before what is arguably one of the biggest years for romcoms: 1999. (No seriously, the list is crazy.) And so I do believe what I am feeling when watching Julia Roberts attempt to sabotage a wedding is the tides turning, maybe churning. Why follow the story of the sticky-sweet bride-to-be (Diaz) when we can follow the confused and vindictive Jules? My Best Friend’s Wedding suggests that women can be complicated. And for that I believe that many women (probably more than would admit to it) see themselves in Jules. So often in film women are simply categorized-- the slut, the career woman, the wife. Jules is conflicted because upon the announcement of Michael’s wedding her categories are blurred. She thought she was playing the career woman but when the love of her life is promised to someone else she realizes… could she also be a wife?
I found myself at a similar crossroads just over two years ago. For most of my life, marriage was not important in the plotting of my journey. It was not a part of my vision boards (a dog, an Emmy and a lot of money were, btw) and I felt that I could be perfectly happy without that kind of romantic commitment. But, I met this guy named Frank, and I felt my categories blur. Could I be myself AND a wife? It seemed contradictory. But as I explored it, I saw that I was just a victim of these categories. Why couldn’t I be more than one thing? So… I proposed and I said, “Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy.” (Just kidding.)
Jules is the embodiment of my contradiction and what I suspect is a contradiction for many women. That terrible question rising again and again: can I still be taken seriously if I am head over heels in love? For Jules, she had based her identity on not needing a commitment, by being on her own, but she had always had Michael in the wings. Their pact to get married to each other if they were both single at 27 was her crutch. And when Michael rips that crutch away from her, she spirals, grasping at what little control she has. Which, in the end, isn’t much. I’m not trying to make the argument that aiming to destroy your best friend’s happiness and the life of his partner is the best reaction to said crutch-removal, but that the knee jerk reaction isn’t all that unexpected.
Of course, Jules’ attempts to divide Kimmy and Michael ultimately drive the couple closer together. A lot can be argued about the relationship between Kimmy and Michael: he’s eight years her senior (27 to her 19) and she agrees to give up her life (eschewing her undergraduate degree to travel around with him) for his (he writes about baseball). Michael needs a woman who will fold to his plans and that’s not Jules. I find myself always rooting for Kimmy to wake up and realize that he's not worth it, but she never does. And I find cracks in their relationship and at times it appears a little problematic to me but just as Jules has to learn-- I am not Kimmy. And it is this fact that finally Jules must admit is real and true. She is not Kimmy and Michael wants a Kimmy. Jules needs to see what she perhaps has always known deep down, she and Michael would never work together.
Maybe Jules needs a Kimmy, too. Someone who will fold their lives into hers. Someone willing to give up pieces of themselves for the sake of a relationship. Interestingly, the original cut of the movie had Jules winding up with a wedding guest played by the terminally good John Corbett. But test audiences weren’t ready to forgive Jules quite that much so they recut it. And she instead ends the wedding night with her gay bestie George, played by Rupert Everett. I can imagine a syrupy-sweet John Corbett melting Jules’ hard exterior and committing himself to her despite her selfishness and truly troubling behavior. (I mean, she sends an email to Michael’s BOSS from his future father-in-law’s email and gets him fired.) I can see it, sure, but I also understand why it was ultimately cut. This isn’t a story about people falling in love, this is a story about deciding between what you want and what you need.
And really, that final scene between George (Everett) and Jules is so beautiful that it feels deeply more significant than a hot wedding guest sweeping her off her feet ever could. It is a good reminder that romantic love is not the only type of love that can bring us joy and meaning. Throughout the movie George demonstrates a selfless but platonic love for Jules. He rushes to her side when he is needed, but he also is very firm with her when it comes to Michael. He never gives into her delusions and instead encourages her multiple times to share her truth and then say goodbye. It takes her a few tries, with some big fuck-ups in between, but she does ultimately heed his advice and he once again arrives at her side when she needs her most. They dance, and I cry. Knowing how rare that kind of friendship really is.
George also helps us to see Jules for who she is outside of this chaotic mission. She is a woman who avoids her deep feelings. Who has avoided conflict. And who is ultimately afraid of change. We all act out when things don’t go our way or when we’re faced with tumultuous upsets to our comfortable lives. Jules, as is her nature, just goes a bit further than most of us would. And for the most part, we come away liking her still, but that’s because Jules is played by Julia Roberts. And well, that does make it a little easier to forgive and understand her. Julia is America’s Sweetheart! She plays Jules with genuine depth and charisma. Haven’t you done something shitty but refused to admit it? I have.
As someone who has struggled with letting others see my vulnerability, I love watching Jules having to learn, again and again, that while painful, (and wounding, and horrid, and embarrassing and and and) exposing your deepest feelings can free you from the little categories to which you assign yourself. And by releasing them, you can release yourself to your next chapter. Even if it’s a chapter you didn’t see coming.
SOURCES:
https://ew.com/movie-reunions/2019/02/07/my-best-friends-wedding-reunion-cover/
https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/my-best-friends-wedding-julia-roberts-25-year-anniversary
https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/bolu-babalola-explains-my-best-friends-wedding